my little black book

it has been a while.

2004-09-24T14:34:39Z

ok....i got bored and i decided to update one last time......

i think i have officially lost my marbles....i mean they are all over the floor. I found the ones for thought and control of bodily function but i am never gonna find my marbles for social skills. I hate talking to people that i don't know. They approach me asking who i am and what my name is, interseted in me in some way, and i can only ignore them. it won't be long before i just open my mouth and let my mind do the talking.

I went to the mall for the first time in a while. I felt like an alien. I didn't see anyone and the people i did see, i wanted to kill. (paul)he still owes me 7 dollars.........dammit....soo much anger over 7 dollars.

i wonder how everyone is doing now. maybe i will see them as i drive by the rocky.

I AM FINALLY ON THE ROAD TO GED!!!!!!!!!!!

I will finally be getting out of this prison they disguise as a school. No more teachers on my shit list.....besides the one's that already are.

I recently got Chevelle's new cd....very good music.

well.......i guess i am out for good now.......last update...luv whoever reads it....bye bye and poke smot.

in 6th period

2004-03-30T18:58:38Z

ok, i am in 6th period this time instead of 4th. its ok but i like 4th better because i can actually listen to music instead of having to watch for the teacher.

so far i think i am almost off of my restriction. i should be getting my late b-day presents too. (cell phone and cloths) i am happy that i actually get a cell phone now. i can go places and call and check in and stuff. I have at least 4 shirts in mind that i want to get as of now. a couple of pants too.

I heard from a reliable source about some of the stuff Josh says. He was supposably getting pissed because i wouldn't call even though i am grounded. He quoted that i could have at least gotten to a cell phone at school too. Kinda rediculus. I dunno.....i have given many many chances to his benefit of happiness but he keeps blowing them off because "he" is never happy and "he" never gets what "he" wants. Anyways................

back to better things........Coast Con. is this weekend and i don't know if i will be able to go to the after party thing. i hope i can......it would be really cool. Oh!!!!!!..........A PERFECT CIRCLE is going to be in New orleans on May 27th, Thursday, at 7:30 pm......i don't know how much tickets are but i am definetly going.........

money, music, sex, and friends........it seems like the fun never ends........g2g.....luv u all.

finally

2004-03-25T23:00:34Z

ok....now for a real update........it is thursday and i can finally have a weekend of freedom. friday, saturday and sunday are mine. hopefully i can arrange something with a few friends. meet up somewheres and what not. my school work is the key to getting ungrounded. i found that out finally. now i just need to achieve it. my guitar work has been getting better............i need to go to a club or something because being stuck in this house is torture compared to what i could be doing. : sighs and stares wide eyed :

i got some poke smot and it is a lot........happiness from nature.......ahh.....

i think i will be done updating now.....keep in touch friends of mine....hopefully i will see some of you this weekend......luv u all

( tied to a wheel, fingers gotta feel, bleeding through a torniquet smile. )

Bush - Machinehead

quicky

2004-03-25T02:59:05Z

ok....doing a quick update.....i have the whole weekend to me now....its all cool from friday to sunday.......make plans....will get in touch soon.

in 4th again

2004-03-18T16:45:10Z

well....im in 4th again doing a research thing but anyways on that subject.......my b-day is 2 days away.....then i can be on the streets without being arrested for being out past curfue. I can also go see R ratd movies.....ah....the possibilities.....whatever....i just wanna have fun....lol....all i wanna do is have some fun....kinda like the song. 2 peeps sitting next 2 me are watching an anime movie on the computer.....interesting kinda....i think its the Inhuyasha or however it is spelled......oh well.....it's something to do.....i just found out that CD players are not allowed in his class......sux but i think i keep mine hidden enough. Very good in fact since i really need music to survive the school world. I am currently listening to Bush right now.......fun fun fun for everyone. or maybe just me.....

I still have that thing of Takka. I almost drank it last night but i fell asleep too soon. Oh well....i think i will save it for saturday around one or two in the afternoon so i don't have to wait until 10 to get my present from a friend...:)

I need to get in touch with Robert to see if we can hang out saturday. like during the day. I need to hang out with him more. easy to get along with and right down the street.

Aleesha is supposed to pick me up tomorrow morning. if all goes well i will have a very good day at school. i just hope we wont be late............um.......yeah

I spoke to Derek yesterday and all is well there. We talked about Rocky and what not. he doesn't like it that much but he said he would be in the area. More people, more fun.....im bringing a camera also......even more fun.....i just hope i don't take a bad picture.( like me crawling on the ground searching for a golden banana or something like that.)

well....i think it is all good here. I am almost done with the grounding thing. I still have to work on going places during Friday's but i think Saturday's are cool now. It all depends on how good i am during the week.....or so i am told. AAhhh...the life of a teenager stuck in a house with nothing much to do......well....i think i will go now.

(the body never lies, will we come again, will we stay friends, or are you paralyzed, are you paralyzed.)

Bush - Body

weird stuff.....i dunno

2004-03-13T01:14:09Z

um..........im in a weird mood again.......oh....and im on medication now for my lymph nodes being swollen.....its supposed to kill the bacteria or something.....i had a bad allergic reaction to the first ones but these are better....they effect me in weird ways but their still better.....

oh.....i have saturday off.....finally a day of freedom........i called crystal to plan out what was going on then.......she was really excited to hear from me......i think her and chase will be here tomorrow.....(i hope).....i talked to chase too.....he didn't seem very excited....it was kinda like....ok...cool.....i dunno......probably occupied with stuff..............i think i think things over too much.........all i know is that i am really looking forward to hanging out with crystal and seeing chase. I wonder what i will be doing for my b-day saturday........i wanna hang out with chase for my b-day.....if he wants to....if not i'll find something else to do.....i know i don't want to go to rocky horror though....its too much the same.....it gets boring after a while........i dunno.........thinking weirdly..........will post again............miss u all....hopefully will see 2 of u on saturday.

once again

2004-03-10T16:53:19Z

ok....i have about 25 more min and i think i will update again and mak this one more posotive......i am listening to bush now and it is fun...........i have art next and then lunch....i swear i could eat a whole house right now......i am very hungry.

I finished my final draft for my English thing.....i had to retype it about 5 times and print it about 7 times.....my mom still wasn't satified with the final one but she said it was better. i hope i get a better grade on it....oh....ahe was looking at the handbook thing and said she was figuring out when summer school is.....i hope she knows that i still have a whole 9 weeks to go before school is out......parents are weird sometimes.....i wish i had the freedom that others have. no parents....basically that.....i am going to move out as soon as i graduate.(which i will for the smart asses laughing)
:)
:sighs again: maybe if i don't think about eating i wont be hungry.............ok...that wont work.....PEOPLE ARE BEING MISSED AND IT SUX......

i really don't know what to do about me being grounded besides riding it out. it really shouldn't be that much longer.....oh.....there are people from important gov places here....they are looking into the computer room like we are a bunch of experiments.....it's kinda funny.....i had to take off my head phones just in case..........they wont leave.....................im getting very impatient..................ok.........i think they are gone now.....music on.

ooh...machinehead is playing......anyways..........i want to play a guitar now.....i havent played this song in a while....i think i will when i get home if my mom is gone....

we have about 10 min. left. only 30 more min. until lunch...(it is in the middle of 5th.) its like 30 min. of work, lunch, then 30 more min. of work.....well....i think i will go now.

(tied to a wheel, fingers gotta feel, bleeding through a turniquet smile.)

Bush - machinehead

shitty grades

2004-03-10T16:26:59Z

damn....i have now seen half my class grades......so far i have.....a 61,64,75,95,98,75,68....half will be brought up with tests but that really sux right as of now........i am very very fucking stressed out with the whole school thing......my mom told me i had the writing skills of a 6th grader.....i laughed and then got mad because she was serious and has no clue how hard it is to go from writing something just to get a grade because i tried, to writing a paper that is being checked for everything in just one year....a little bit of a change....anyways......help me....i need to know if i can go somewhere but i am scard to even bring up the subject in fear of more days being added..........

:sigh:.....i hate being alone this fucking long.....its like middle school all over again........lksfjglkefbvgjjtgjertgvj............well...i am sorry to all that miss me....i will be out soon......i will be sure to never get grounded again........i know a break from friends is good for you and all but damn....not a fucking vacation.

(i'm soo happy because today i'v found my friends, their in my head.)

Nirvana - Lithium

in 4th again........no complaint

2004-03-09T16:30:38Z

ok....i now love my 4th period class....i can let everyone know i am ok.....it feels like i am escaping for a brief time. I dunno....i need to get away for a while....at least 4 hours....(wink wink).....yeah.....oh....i got my rough draft back yesterday for my research paper which is my basic all around grade for that class.....well...i got a 60....it was a little rediculous so i took it to the counselor...she then took me to Ms.Clayborn (miss BITCH)and said i had a few questions....the teacher looked at me and said she had plans....the counselor repeated herself and the same words came out.....basically i recieved it monday....the final draft is due wednesday, i had questions on it.....she isnt there to answer my questions then or tuesday because she will be somewhere else....so in short....she is in trouble....anyhow.....i worked my ass off getting my paper re-typed in a better format.....my mom even tried to buy me a research paper online. it didn't work....so, me busting my ass even more could mean shorter restriction...(hopefully)....yeah......short possibility of freedom sooner.

I miss my friends.......It sux because i was looking forward to hanging around Crystal and seeing how cool she is in person rather than on the phone. I somewhat miss Josh but i have been hearing how he thinks i don't like him because i wont answer my phone.....if he only knew that it was UNPLUGGED!!!!!!!.....I really miss Chase too........i need freedom and "poke smot"...(i forgot about that little phrase.....see whats happening to my mind?)......i am trying desperatly to do good and get off my sentence....i haven't even mentioned it to my mom so i shouldnt have any extra days added to my sentence of however many times i asked in the past......well......i love and miss you all.....i will be released soon.

(I don't want to feel this overwealming hostility)

Aperfect Circle - Orestres

what a lovely weekend

2004-03-08T16:47:57Z

ok....i am in 4th period with full access to a computer without worrying about prying eyes catching me communicating with the outside world....anyways.....

(to my friends)...I did a couple of slave chores for my sister...my mom said it would help me get ungrounded quicker....she is treating it like i did something horrible....anyways..i have no access to anyone at home now. I can't even get on the computer, no less sign on without watching for my mom coming by the computer....while i was replying to Chase and Crystal's posts she looked at the computer....i minimized and said it was a pop up....slick but very scared of getting caught which would increase my sentence.....my weekend was fair but i almost died on Friday when my mom took me with her to take the old people (grandma and grandpa) past where we normally go to pick up Chase.....I almost jumped out the car door when we passed the Exon station....pure fucking torture....if i knew we would be passing that area i would have stayed home. We took them to get a god damn lotto ticket in fucking Louisiana.(she'll take them to Louisiana for a ticket but not me to pick up friends.)......we then stopped at some old ass restaraunt and ate food...it was ok......i wanted to go home soo bad though....i only go on the road for long periods of time to go somewhere i need to go......ok...i'll stop bitching....Saturday i asked about my freedom and my mom yelled at me and said that she has been adding a day for every time i asked.....i bit my lip and went to my room and strained myself from going through the door. then i did chores for my sister which should help my sentence shrink......Sunday i was miserable and my mom highlited my hair because she had extra from hers.....it is now all yellow and it will be white in a few weeks. I am going to be busting my ass around mine and my sister's house to get ungrounded......i cannot wait till i turn 18.....my mom want's me to stay home for 2 more years after i graduate...(yeah fucking right)....i will be out the day i get my diploma....come hell or high water. If she wants me to stay she should make it a place where i only sleep and shower and maybe eat....other than that i will not be in the house.....ok....enough about the future....

damn....im listening to aperfect circle and i just noticed the songs have gone thorugh 4 tracks and i didn't even notice until now.....cool......................i think i need something to keep me occupied during the week.(take away the "k" in week and add a "d"..) there ya go..........doing the math with drugs can be fun..........I NEED TO GET THE HELL OUT OF THE HOUSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok.....well....i need to go now.....i will post again soon.......i love you guys and i miss you.

(i am surrenduring to the gravity and the unknown, catch me, heal me, lift me back up to the sun....i choose to live.)

Aperfect Circle - Gravity

this weekend in hell

2004-03-06T21:41:38Z

ok....this entree is to Chase because i can't get in touch with him in any other way right now.
first tell Pixie i am really sorry for rushing him for the phone...i was on a thin line as it was....
my mom said i am still grounded....and she then tells me that every time i ask to go somewhere she adds another day....so i am just going to wait it out.....i will definetely have next weekend...and if not i will make it available......anyways...yeah.....i would call but i can't risk the phone bill...i made enough phone calls as it is.....i am sorry again if i ruined your plans....tell crystal i am sorry for the same....when next week comes around i will arange some kind of get together for us (me and you and whoever)....as long as we can hang out it is cool....this really sux...i still have to teach you Schism........i will be online as much as i can......oh...i need your e-mail adress so i can e-mail you and let you know everything is cool......until then just check my livejournal.....well...guess thats it..i will try to get in touch with you soon........will post again.

in 4th again

2004-03-03T16:24:43Z

this is the supposed to be last day we are in the computer room....if only we could do this everyday....NOT.......it is cool with my cd player and the access to the computer but the boredom part really kills me......if only i had a spirit or two with me...( i mean drinks )......that would make it a little better....if not give me a reason to go to the bathroom countless times....speaking of that i have to piss like a french race horse....so i will not be much longer.....

i have been thinking about my dad for a while and my mom said i could call him on the weekend...or at least try...oh by the way....i got grounded for at least 3 days and those days are to show that i can get things around the house done and keep it that way......hopefully i can....as long as i have my weekends i will be okay....it's not like i go anywhere on the weekdays, but talking on the phone would be nice.

well.....i have to go answer the porcelin phone....i will write again soon

( love and hate, get it around, cut me right back down to size, sleep the day, let it fade, who was there to take your place, no one knows, never will, mostly me and mostly you, do you say, do you do when it all comes down. )

Bush - Comedown

bored

2004-03-02T16:37:30Z

im in 4th period again....this might be the last time we are in here...: jumps a little for joy :....i will still be bored with the history project we are doing in here even though it is a music class.....anyways....everything is going pretty well so far and i still wish for Friday.....the weeks are entirely too long....last night i had a full stomach and i fell asleep really early.....i had to wake up to get into my sleep gear so i wouldn't wake up in the cloths i wore the previous day...( iv done it many times, i just don't like doing it for no reason ).....

people need to get into aperfect circle....i just burned another copy for myself because i left the previous one with a friend....now that i have it again i am catching up with my music therapy.......they make really good music....

ok....i think i am done here....i will write again some time soon.

( head down, go to sleep to the rythym of the war drums )

Aperfect circle - Pet

at home

2004-03-02T00:24:51Z

okay....today was decent.....i had some spagetti and it was pretty good.....i know i will sleep good tonight. I want to take a nice hot bath....i will soon....the water is calling my name quietly but surly.

i just saw silence of the lambs for the first time today......the movie wasn't scary but it had a sense of art to it....like when hannibal escaped the cage and how he left the cop in a crucified position with the blankets and the lights...im not sick minded, i just saw a little bit of brilliance in it. i do think the whole thing with the guy and the girl killing thing was a little creepy. anyways.....

I still can't get a hold of my dad....i really need to talk to him....just to catch up....i worry too much about what goes on over there....probably because of the fact that my little brother and sister seem kinda like my kids....(for those who dont know i raised them starting with my brother being 3 and me being 9....he is 12 now....)anyways....dont want to get into that again.

im looking forward to this weekend.....hopefully it will be fun........lol....im watching Will and Grace and the purse Karen has looks just like my dog....lol

well.....i think i am done here.....i miss the weekends already and its only Monday night.....will post again soon.

( I'd sell my soul, my self esteem one dollar at a time for one chance, one taste of you my magdalena. )

Aperfect Circle - Magdalena

new journal

2004-02-29T15:53:27Z

okay....this is my first journal on this website......i dont know if i can manage doing two journals ( i have a different one ) but i'll give it a try.....hopefully it succeeds because i hate starting something i can't finish......or at least leave in peace....( no that wasn't sarcasm )but.......anyways........i cannot stand being home alone but i love it at the same time....i hate it because i know i can be somewhere doing something fun with friends....i love it because i have some down time to get my mind together and regroop for school.......I cannot stand school right now......ok...time to stop complaining.

My parents will be gone the majority of the day. I have time to eat, do chores :sighs: , and play the guitar :) .....oh....i almost killed my bird a few days ago......it wouldnt stop screaming so i stuck a stuffed animal in its cage and scared it to death and it flew out of its cage, into the kitchen, and right into the sliding glass door....it just laid on the floor for a while then it got up and didn't say a word for the whole day. I thought it was kinda funny once i knew it wasnt' dead....i think i turned it retarted though....anyways....i think i will go now.

( i threw you the obvious just to see what i can behind the eyes of a fallen angel, the eyes of a tregedy, oh well, aparrently nothing, aparrently nothing at all. )

Aperfect Circle - 3 Libras